Day 37 - Thursday, April 7
Title: MY HEART IS WOUNDED WITHIN ME
Scripture: PSALM 109:1-20
Do not keep silent,
O God of my praise!
For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful
Have opened against me;
They have spoken against me with a lying tongue.
They have also surrounded me with words of hatred,
And fought against me without a cause.
In return for my love they are my accusers,
But I give myself to prayer.
Thus they have rewarded me evil for good,
And hatred for my love.

Set a wicked man over him,
And let an accuser stand at his right hand.
When he is judged, let him be found guilty,
And let his prayer become sin.
Let his days be few,
And let another take his office.
Let his children be fatherless,
And his wife a widow.
Let his children continually be vagabonds, and beg;
Let them seek their bread also from their desolate places.
Let the creditor seize all that he has,
And let strangers plunder his labor.
Let there be none to extend mercy to him,
Nor let there be any to favor his fatherless children.
Let his posterity be cut off,
And in the generation following let their name be blotted out.

Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the Lord,
And let not the sin of his mother be blotted out.
Let them be continually before the Lord,
That He may cut off the memory of them from the earth;
Because he did not remember to show mercy,
But persecuted the poor and needy man,
That he might even slay the broken in heart.
As he loved cursing, so let it come to him;
As he did not delight in blessing, so let it be far from him.
As he clothed himself with cursing as with his garment,
So let it enter his body like water,
And like oil into his bones.
Let it be to him like the garment which covers him,
And for a belt with which he girds himself continually.
Let this be the Lord’s reward to my accusers,
And to those who speak evil against my person.

But You, O God the Lord,
Deal with me for Your name’s sake;
Because Your mercy is good, deliver me.
For I am poor and needy,
And my heart is wounded within me.
I am gone like a shadow when it lengthens;
I am shaken off like a locust.
My knees are weak through fasting,
And my flesh is feeble from lack of fatness.
I also have become a reproach to them;
When they look at me, they shake their heads.

Help me, O Lord my God!
Oh, save me according to Your mercy,
That they may know that this is Your hand—
That You, Lord, have done it!
Let them curse, but You bless;
When they arise, let them be ashamed,
But let Your servant rejoice.
Let my accusers be clothed with shame,
And let them cover themselves with their own disgrace as with a mantle.

I will greatly praise the Lord with my mouth;
Yes, I will praise Him among the multitude.
For He shall stand at the right hand of the poor,
To save him from those who condemn him.

Poetry: 
The Gardener
by Suanne Underwood Rhodes

I haven’t talked to you about
a dark space I dug up.
Clods and rocks I can pick out of soil,
blue-veined clay I can nourish;
weeds, yank up; shade, cut back.
But this

hollow where no seed is meant to grow
astounds. I go back to basics, 
trusting my hands to find the dirt
as it always was, humid and maternal, 
easily worked to hatch seeds,
but this

breach of earth voids every breathing
speck so that the spade of my hand
weighs more than death, and the leaves
I touch are stillborn. Tell me,
must I keep tending, must I
turn this 

blank into myself and vanish,
or is the hole an entrance
into some new ground that is yet
familiar, tilled and fertile, vast
as my loss, tenderly sown with
this? 

MY HEART IS WOUNDED WITHIN ME 

Christ in the Gethsemane Garden was painted by Russian artist Arkhip Ivanovich Kuindzhi at a time when Russia was undergoing great social, religious, and political upheaval that promised a new dawn––but in reality brought further suffering and darkness to its people. In today’s painting, Kuindzhi illustrates our Lord withdrawing from his disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane for a time of deep and anguished prayer before His betrayal, arrest, and crucifixion. Fully realizing the darkness of the suffering and pain to come, Jesus knew the sacrifice and cost of obedience to the Father’s will––“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” (Mark 14:34).

Kuindzhi depicts the Lord isolated in a bright spotlight just as he enters a dark and foreboding part of the garden. Within the deep shadows of tangled trees, we can barely make out several crouching figures––they are Christ’s persecutors lying in wait to arrest Him. Unjustly accused, misunderstood, and alone, Jesus experienced the full depth of human suffering and pain for us as Isaiah prophesied, “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.” (Isaiah 53:4)

In Jesus, we have a Savior who intimately knows our suffering and despair because He “dwelt among us” and can truly empathize with our weaknesses and frailties, Hebrews 4:14-16 reassures us that “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are––yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Jesus models the way to handle suffering by seeking His Father–– we are not meant to walk alone in our pain and suffering, we were created to seek Him in our time of need.

As a nurse of thirty years, I have witnessed much suffering. The piercing loss and grief of a stillborn baby or the message of infertility are painful and dashed hopes for an anticipated future––a heart wounded. The miracle of each life is a perfect reminder in an imperfect world of the tender love of the Father for His children and His great desire to be in fellowship with us, mere mortals. The suffering and death of the Lamb makes possible new life and hope. It is only in trusting and seeking God in the midst of suffering that we open ourselves to be comforted, healed, and ultimately transformed by the One who abounds in mercy, grace, and love. 

Today’s poem by Suanne Underwood Rhodes entitled “The Gardener” presents another garden. The poem describes the beginning of new plant life and the unfortunate results of a neglected garden. The image of a thriving garden is a frequent and apt allegory for our spiritual growth and health. The clearing away of ugly rubble and nutrient-stealing weeds in a garden for optimal growing may be seen as a metaphor for tending the state of our soul by rooting out sin and cultivating a flourishing spiritual life. There’s something almost supernatural and captivating about planting and tending a seed and knowing that it will grow to provide nourishment for the body or bloom to delight the soul. Just as a garden needs our care to thrive, so we must take the time to cultivate and deepen our relationship with the Father through reflective reading, active repentance, and prayer with one clear goal in mind––to draw nearer to God in the love, relief, peace, and rest that He alone can provide.

Prayer
Father, thank you for your great love for us.
When I contemplate that you rejoice over your people with gladness and will quiet us with your love and that you exult over us with loud singing my heart is full to overflowing. I am so undeserving of this inheritance and praise your name for the gift of life with you now and for eternity.
Blessed be your holy name.
Amen.

Dr. Penny Bacon DNP, RN, FNP
Associate Professor of Nursing
Biola University
Edited by the CCCA

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